Parents-in-law, don't butt in where you're not wanted!
POR DRA. NANCY ÁLVAREZ
www.DraNancy.com
Es muy importante mantener una buena relación con los suegros, dentro de lo posible; pero cuando la pareja se casa, debe tener mucho cuidado con los límites. Hay gente, sobre todo suegros y suegras, que no lo entienden. Quieren meterse en la nueva pareja y opinar sobre su vida y los nietos, sin que nadie les pida criterio. Y además, crean muchos conflictos porque viven peleando.
It's very important to maintain a good relationship with your parents-in-law, as much as possible; but when a couple gets married, they must be very careful about setting boundaries. There are people, especially fathers-in-law and mothers-in-law, who don't understand. They want to interfere with the new couple and have opinions about their lives and the grandchildren, without anyone asking for their opinion. And they also create a lot of conflict because they're always fighting.
Nunca pelee con su suegra. Su marido puede hacerlo con su mamá, o viceversa. La suegra o el suegro pueden pelear con su hijo, pero ellos se arreglarán, normalmente se arreglan. Es muy raro que sean enemigos la vida entera, porque eso no es sano. Pero usted sigue siendo una extraña para su suegra o suegro.
Never fight with your mother-in-law. Your husband can fight with his mother, or vice versa. Your mother-in-law or father-in-law can fight with their son, but they'll work things out, usually they do. It's very rare for them to be lifelong enemies, because that's not healthy. But you're still a stranger to your mother-in-law.
Pasará mucho tiempo de buena relación —si usted lo logra—, para crearse un vínculo de verdad, donde quizás pueda acercarse y ser un poco más sincera. No es tan fácil, porque casi nadie sabe lo más importante para mantener una buena relación como suegro o suegra. Número uno, no debe opinar si nadie le ha preguntado. Número dos, debe mantenerse al margen de lo que pasa en la pareja, a menos que le pregunten, le pidan ayuda o se acerquen a comentar lo que está pasando.
It will take a long time of good relationship—if you can manage it—to create a real bond, where perhaps you can get closer and be a little more honest. It's not that easy, because almost no one knows the most important things to maintain a good relationship as a father-in-law or mother-in-law. Number one, you shouldn't give your opinion if no one has asked you. Number two, you should stay out of what's going on in the couple, unless they ask you, ask for your help, or come to discuss what's going on.
Todo lo otro se verá como que usted es un metiche y se está metiendo en algo muy delicado: la relación de un hombre y una mujer, o de dos hombres o dos mujeres, dependiendo de su orientación.
Anything less will be seen as you're meddling and getting involved in something very delicate: the relationship between a man and a woman, or between two men or two women, depending on your orientation.
Usted debe mostrar respeto, porque nadie debe opinar en una relación de pareja. Ahora, si le piden opinión, cuidado con lo que dice. No sea demasiado sincera o clara, trate de explicar las cosas de una manera suave, respetando a ambos y provocando que se lleven mejor. O sea, si su suegra le dice algo que a usted no le gusta, escúchela, manténgase tranquila, respire profundo.
You must show respect, because no one should give their opinion in a relationship. Now, if they ask your opinion, be careful what you say. Don't be too sincere or clear; try to explain things gently, respecting both of you and helping you get along better. In other words, if your mother-in-law tells you something you don't like, listen to her, stay calm, and take a deep breath.
Si usted no está de acuerdo con lo que le han dicho, exprese su opinión, pero jamás la acuse de ser “una metía o equivocada”. Sea diplomática, piense que esa relación (se supone) debe durar toda la vida o todo el tiempo que usted esté casada.
If you don't agree with what she's said, express your opinion, but never accuse her of being "meddlesome" or wrong. Be diplomatic; remember that this relationship is supposed to last a lifetime, or as long as you're married.
Si tiene hijos, tenga mucho cuidado, porque si empieza a pelear y a tener problemas con los suegros, eso afectará también a los nietos. Los niños quieren a sus abuelos, pero también a sus padres, y ninguno estará contento de que usted —la suegra—, hable mal de su mamá, pelee o la critique delante suyo. Mucho cuidado. Mantenga una relación agradable, respetuosa y con límites. No se meta donde no la llaman.
If you have children, be very careful, because if you start fighting and having problems with your in-laws, it will also affect your grandchildren. Children love their grandparents, but they also love their parents, and neither will be happy if you—the mother-in-law—speak ill of their mother, argue, or criticize her in front of them. Be very careful. Maintain a pleasant, respectful relationship with boundaries. Don't butt in where you're not wanted.
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